Surviving Difficult Times: Radical Self-Care and Connection
When I heard about the ICE murder in Minneapolis this week, I felt sick to my stomach. The more I read, the worse I felt—disbelief, outrage, anger, fear, and disgust all surfaced. I can’t look away, but I also can’t stay trapped in these emotions. Instead, I remind myself that we must learn to own and process our feelings rather than push them aside or distract ourselves.
I talked through it with my husband and wrote about it in my journal. Then I walked, noticing the ice on the trees and the squirrels scampering across the snow. A saying my friend MaryJayne taught me comes to mind: “Left foot, right foot, left foot, breathe.”
The sadness settles in—oddly, it feels more comfortable than the outrage. I am moving through it, even as the world continues crumbling around me.
How can we cope with the healthy, visceral response we have to fascism?
I focus on what I can control. I make a simple list of what I can control today and what I cannot. Then I choose one small, actionable step to take in this moment. Some examples are moving my body, calling a friend, cleaning a cupboard, or fixing a healthy snack. This helps me rebuild a sense of agency, despite the chaos around me.
I remind myself that I am resilient and can survive difficult times. Dolly Parton said something that brings me great comfort: “Storms make trees take deeper roots.” These politically charged weeks make me emotionally stronger as I dig deep to care for myself. I am becoming more graceful and resilient. My rear-view mirror has a lot of challenging times in it, and I am more capable than I have ever been to deal with present-day trauma.
Practice radical self-care. Meditate, exercise, watch sleep routines, eat well, feed your emotional needs by spending time with people who help you heal your soul. Lots of it. And then more than you think you need.
Seek support and build more connections. Our political leaders are reinforcing the idea of “other” and separation with polarizing words and labels. Words like “illegal immigrants”, “woke” or “conservative” are broad generalizations. We are more alike than we are different as humans. Connection helps us remember that we are not alone. It’s in relationships that we find comfort, perspective, and the strength to keep moving forward. If your social connections are not enough, seek professional support with a counselor.
Watch your input. Talking with my daughter today about audiobook recommendations reminds me of the need for light content during challenging times. This is really hard to do because we are hardwired to be more alert and tuned into our surroundings when we feel danger. We want to be more informed, which can lead us down a path of more news, more scrolling, more information-gathering. A lot of the content available to view is violent or suspenseful. When I am afraid and angry, I need to read poetry, watch shows that are relaxing or mindless, listen to soothing music. A little less Game of Thrones and a little more The Great British Bake-off.
When my daughter was a baby, we got a kick out of listening to her belly laugh while she watched sports bloopers where people slipped and fell. We all need this kind of levity in our lives. Maybe it’s cat or dog videos, maybe it’s heartwarming pet adoption stories, or unlikely pet friendships. Maybe it is comedy clips or comic books. Whatever your jam, find what makes you feel lighter.
This is about survival. We can’t control so many of the things that happen around us, but we can let our nervous systems rest and recover between horrific events.
Please share with me any funny content, light or campy books, any videos that made you laugh out loud or smile. I need it right now.
How about you?
I signed up for the winter cohort of The Peaceful Presence End of Life Doula Training. I know this doesn’t sound light and fun to many, but I am finding my coursework and the people I am meeting in my cohort to be refreshing and meaningful. It’s a topic that we don’t talk enough about as a society. I will be sharing more in the months to come, but if you have any questions, hit reply and ask them.
Just because we need to say the names to make the victims real:
First they ‘built a wall’ and started to vilify people whose first language was not English.
Then they hired people who were afraid those people would take what they felt was theirs, and in their fear created hate for those people. Then they shared their hate and fear by walking the streets looking for people to remove. Anyone, without cause. We told them we didn’t want or need them, so they sent more and armed them. This is a Nazi regime urged on by a fascist government, this has to stop.
Peaceful, but, aware protests. Give them no opening to hurt or murder anymore people. And remove them.